My Mum Never Smiled

MY MUM NEVER SMILED.

She always had her demons to contend with.

But the first day I saw her smile, was the last day I set my eyes on her. And the next day, I wished she had never smiled.

I still recall that night like it were yesterday. She had just put me to bed after an unusual bedtime story.

It was unusual because it was never her custom to tell me bedtime stories, nor tuck me into bed. So, I decided to savour the moment while it lasted, even as I listened with keen interest.

The story was about a missing diamond ring.

According to her, the ring had belonged to a certain peasant who never understood its value till it went missing.

I had just stared blankly at her, while she narrated her mysterious story.

As words connected words, and phrases formed sentences, mingled with gestures that exuded so much emotions, my four year old head couldn't help but wonder at the extreme show of emotion for something as basic as a bedtime story.

Before I finally drifted off to sleep, she concluded by saying, "and the ring remained happy where it was valued". At that point, I saw something like tears roll down her pale cheeks. Then, she gave me a broad smile, as she tucked me into bed.

Her way of saying goodbye. Like the missing diamond ring that never returned.

When I woke up, mum was gone. I cried, scratched and threw tantrums. But none of that could bring her back.

Dad said she ran away because she was a fool. I didn't believe him. Because he always made mummy cry.

My classmates said she ran because she hated me. I believed them, because whenever dad hits her, she would look at me with so much contempt, that I would shrink to hide myself.

Later on as a teenager, grandma would explain things to me.

And I would figure out that I was born out of wedlock, and so mum was forced to marry dad, at age eighteen.

Hence, she didn't like me very much. I was a mistake. Her mistake. The reason she didn't have a life. I had ruined her life.

So, she had to run away from me, her mistake, leaving me at the mercy of my dad's mistress who seized every opportunity to remind me of my sour existence.

I hated myself. I was a mistake. Everyone's mistake.

I failed at school. And lost at every game. My team mates regarded me as a bad omen.

But just yesterday, I saw the Light!

He told me that my past didn't matter. Neither does the way people see me nor what they say about me.

What mattered most was how He saw me.

I was no mistake. I was His creature, like everyone else, made for a unique purpose.

FICTION..

#YouAreNotAMistake

#PmWrites ✍️

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